the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
