I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
