I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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