Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
