it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
