I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
