is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
