So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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