Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
