i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
