It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
