Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
