You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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