Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I could fuck to npr.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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