Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
