Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
