Porn is love you can see.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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