You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
