I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
