Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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