Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
