i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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