If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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