The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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