a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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