We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
