The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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