I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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