4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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