I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
