Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
