I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You made out with two different species that night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
