I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
