I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
