Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
