I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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