some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
