Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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