Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
