Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
