I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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