Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
