Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
