Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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