mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
