just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
