Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize