your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
