I just made out with a guy for $7.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
