I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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