There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
