have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
