I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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