fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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