Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
