Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
