So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
