Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
