I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
