I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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