apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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