I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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