My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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