Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize