so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
