That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
