I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
