I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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