You're my little dorito
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
