im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
