Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
