And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
