I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
