All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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