Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
