I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
