My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize