I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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