you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this boner is exhausting
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize