I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
