the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
