is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
