4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
