I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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