Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
