i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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